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everyone gets exasperated with a person with mental illness. they say that they won’t but they will eventually. they all crack. Each and everyone of them. no one wants to diminish his or her sanity with a person suffering a chronic condition, so defeat becomes an option. They move on and breathe easy once again…

I don’t feel like myself anymore; but honestly, I don’t think I ever knew who I was. 

I can’t sleep. The thoughts are racing and my eyes are heavy. Anxiety attacks my breath. I feel uneasy. I think if you were here you would make the night easier to get through. You are like the calm to my storm. The eye of the hurricane I feel tonight.

I am still here. I have released this negative energy from me, for now. I still have my hiccups, and that’s normal. I’ve meditated and asked for love to fill my heart. I’ve asked for my heart to relinquish all forms of hate, guilt, and envy; because I have no room for those things. Most of all, I have begun to forgive myself for the loss of a dear friend. We all need ourselves to heal emotionally and spiritually. I have a dream of healing others…I want to save as many people as I can and pay my respects to those I could not…This is what gives me hope: One day, I will help the hungry, the sick, the abandoned, and distraught. As a nurse, I will do my best to be a physical healer and a spiritual healer. I cannot die just yet. I cannot committ suicide. If I do, then I will never meet all these wonderful faces and experience the bonds I would have had with them. This is what keeps me strong: hope. I have hope because I love still…even as I hold a gun to my head. Even if I hold a knife to my neck, or scratch my skin off, or burn or mutilate myself…I still have hope. I have been blessed and cursed with the heart of an empath. I will be here to give as many of you my unconditional love if you ask. This is a typed reminder. 

lately, I live to make other people’s lives as miserable as mine is.

I’m a selfish bitch 

Funny thing about depression. If you’ve never had it, you’ll never fully understand it. It’s like a black hole has been put in your chest and you suddenly can’t breathe anymore. Everything is a blur, everything becomes routine because you don’t have the energy to do anything but what you absolutely have to. Eat, shower, sleep…maybe. You have no reason, you feel like the world is crashing down all around you.

(via the-past-has-passed-away)